For Those Times You Just Don’t Fit In

I don’t know about the rest of y’all, but sometimes I am simply too dense to hear God when He whispers. Sometimes, that wild God of mine has to take the megaphone of repetition in order to get my attention. He gets me on a reoccurring theme–something that happens in various forms over, and over in my life in–order to get my attention. At times like these, even my own futile reasoning cannot help but infer that He is up to something.

The theme these last few months that I have been put face to face with is the messiness of being {in essence} a misfit. I am at last learning that being the odd one out might not be such a bad thing after all. This discovery has lightened my load, increased my joy, and set me free. And I want that for you as well, dear one.

Around Christmas, my family always used to watch “Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer”. If you have not seen this classic, I am telling you that you need to heat up some hot cocoa and go watch it, now. I will wait. This movie is less about a reindeer with a nose infection, and more about a bunch of animals, people, and-yes-toys that do not fit in anywhere.  Both the main characters simply do not fit in with their peers. Hermey is an elf that wants to be a dentist {something elves simply do not do}, and Rudolph wants to fly for Santa {but his nose is too bright}The moral of this story {spoiler alert} is that sometimes being a square peg in a round hole only serves to become a strength rather than a weakness. And I don’t know about you, but that is a message that I want to hear.


“Hermey: Hey, what do you say we both be independent together, huh?

 Rudolph: You wouldn’t mind my – red nose?

 Hermey: Not if you don’t mind me being a dentist.

 Rudolph: [shaking hands with Hermey] It’s a deal.”

At some point in my life, I decided that I could earn being accepted by others. I have been, unknowingly, living out of this working philosophy for a long time. I thought that if I was pretty enough, smart enough, interesting enough, and funny enough that people would want to be my friend. If this is where you are today, let me be the first to tell you that it just does not work.This philosophy is a lot of hooey. You, my friend, do not have to be “enough” of anything to be accepted. If you attempt, like I did, to go that route–you will never be truly satisfied.

As a Conservative girl in a Non-Conservative world I have a lot more moments of misfit than I do of popularity.  The problem is that we as girls are so good at faking it, that if you are in that dark cold place of Unaccepted than you are likely to look around you, and decide you are the only one that feels that way. Let me let you in on a little secret girlfriend, you are not. There is always going to be another person in that room who feels even more uncomfortable than you do. You might not recognize her at first because she might have the perfect figure, or flawless hair. You might look past her because she might look content, but if you watch long enough you will recognize the same gray look in her eyes that you have seen in your own.

I challenge you, Daughter of God, to take your oozing lump of mud brown loneliness and mold it into an offering of praise to your God. Pull off your clinging cloak of self-pity, and leave it at the cross. Spread out your hands towards those around you, and instead of begging for someone to fill them, use them to help someone else. Realize your worth, and do not waste another minute.

Sweet friend,  If you do not mind my strange scarlet nose than I certainly won’t mind that you are not the average elf. Let us be independent, together.

Blessings, friends.

35 thoughts on “For Those Times You Just Don’t Fit In”

  1. Pingback: Be Still | aflyonzwall

  2. Pingback: Thanksgiving Throwback Thursday Link-Up November 26 - My Fruitful Home

  3. Thanks for sharing with #ThrowbackThursdaylinkup. Its an inspirational post and as the mom of 3 very different from each other boys, I see how it will be important for them to learn it’s ok to be themselves. Sometimes not fitting in with people who are going astray is still the right thing to do. We have to live with the decisions we make and they should be proud of the choices they make. Hope you join us again next week!

    1. It is such an important issue, and one that way too many adults still struggle with–so if you can instill it in your sons they will be a step ahead! Thanks so much for the encouragement, Tanya! Hope you and yours had a great Thanksgiving!

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    1. Glad it encouraged you today, Lauren! This is definitely an ongoing struggle, and challenge in my own life. May you have the eyes to see others around you who are hurting today. Blessings!

  5. This is so beautifully written, dear girl. I remember when I decided that it was okay to not fit in, because I’ve never felt that I fit in with the popular crowd, or the mainstream (or whatever it is). I have felt that it’s just a perk of being older to be finally secure in one’s own (saggy and sun-damaged) skin. 🙂 And yet here you are, at your tender age, saying that you are secure in your own (lovely and peachy-dewy) skin! Well done! That is a great heart accomplishment! God makes all of us individuals and if He is pleased with us, then we shouldn’t have to streeetch or change or posture or sweat or nuthin’ to meet anybody else’s approval. 🙂 Psalm 18: “He rescued me because he delighted in me.” That’s enough, you’re right!!

    1. Thanks Mom! There is so much freedom in just deciding not to try to fit in anymore, isn’t there? I am looking forward to growing older, and becoming a lot more secure in myself. Perhaps it just takes time sometimes. I have learned a lot, but still have a lot more to learn! I LOVE Psalm 18–thanks for throwing it out there! Love you muchly.

  6. I plan to make a couple of copies of this and post them around the house. Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing your gift.

    1. I am glad you enjoyed the post, Mrs. Anderson! I was preaching more to my own heart than anything else, so I am glad that others have gleaned something from my disjointed thoughts on the subject! Love you!

  7. I really needed this encouragement! I have been struggling with this very thing for awhile now. I have felt so lonely and if I am honest, quite depressed about it. Thank you. As we head into a busy Sunday I will try to look for other lonely people around me to reach out to with love.

    1. Oh, Nathana. It is hard for me to believe that someone as utterly sweet, kind, and beautiful as you could ever have trouble with this. Take heart, sweet girl! I am certain things will get better for us both. Sometimes all it takes is one friend to feel a bit better about things. And we can be friends, if only via blogs! I think you are pretty wonderful. For what it counts.

  8. I so appreciated your perspective in this post and I have often felt like a non-Conservative girl in a Conservative world. I find that so often it’s my perspective that needs to change. I also moved with my family to a community where I didn’t feel quite so square although I will never neatly fit in anyone’s round hole. Like Judy, I love that last paragraph – beautifully written. Thanks for sharing how challenging and important the road to self-acceptance is!

    1. You are very right, Minette, in saying that all too often it is our own perspective that must change. Sometimes I just cripple myself through my own paranoia. 😉 I am glad you have found a community that accepts you for who you are, that is a blessing to be sure, and not to be taken lightly. Thank you for joining the conversation! Glad to have you here!

  9. Wonderful post Bethany, I don’t recall ever trying to fit in, I suppose I must always have had a lot of self confidence and believed in myself. I do however know that a lot of people don’t want to be seen as the misfit! We should ALL be proud of who we are and certainly not worry if we are “enough” of anything. If people don’t accept you for who you are, they are not people you should worry about knowing!!

    1. I am so glad you have always had so much self-confidence, Lisa! That is something that a lot of people, including myself, lack sometimes. “If people don’t accept you for who you are, they are not people you should worry about knowing”-I love this sentence of yours, and I will be thinking about it often. Thanks for the encouragement!

  10. I just adored this blog! People always call my a “card”, and l although I am very spiritual and also Roman Catholic, I am not a conservative in any way whatsoever, unlike my family and my community. I’m eccentric, no question. And this blog just made my day. Let’s just have a Misfit Celebration!!! 😀

    1. I think eccentric people are the best kind, don’t you Marjie? I would far rather talk to someone who is quirky, and knows who she is than talk to someone who is just trying to fit in with the crowd. Let’s have a Misfit Celebration! I will bring the cake, and ice cream! Misfits Unite!

  11. I love your last paragraph, Bethany –
    “… take your oozing lump of mud brown loneliness and mold it into an offering of praise to your God. Pull off your clinging cloak of self-pity, and leave it at the cross. Spread out your hands towards those around you, and instead of begging for someone to fill them, use them to help someone else. Realize your worth, and do not waste another minute.”

    It’s called growing up and accepting yourself in the process.

    I have never really fit in. I have always kind of had one foot in “the group” and the other hopping along elsewhere. Was that way growing up and it’s still that way today. But, I have found, like in what you say, Bethany, that when you open your heart and reach out to others you find those with whom you can find meaning, love and enrichment.

    Big HUGS <3 and thank you for a meaningful post.

    But as Robin William's character said in one of his movies, "Worse that being alone is being with people who make your feel alone."

    1. Judy, you always encourage me with the most indepth and fascinating comments. Thank you for taking the time to truly read my posts, and give me your feedback. I so appreciate it! I just love the quote from Robin Williams’ character. That is so very true, and something I need to remember as well. I hope you are having a beautifully splendid day! You are much appreciated!

  12. This is such an inspiration for many. I’ve never really fitted in anywhere, and I hated it when I was younger. Now I embrace my differences, because they have led to me finding my husband and having a beautiful daughter. I just hope I can help her embrace any differences she may have.

    1. I just got a chill when I read your comment about how your difference helped you find your husband, and have your daughter. I just love that it was the unique things about you, Alexandria, that drew him to you. Thanks for the smile today. Peace to you!

  13. Great concept. I’ve often wondered why other people have so many friends and I’m perfectly happy alone. You see, I look at the situation from another viewpoint. When I go into a crowded room, I don’t think, “Nobody likes me.” Instead, I think, “Who would I like to talk to in the crowd?” Okay, I’m tall and have always had good looks, but that means nothing in reality. I can offer other people a belief in themselves. I thank God for being myself.

    1. I love your perspective, Francene, and I might try to emulate that in my own life. “Who would I like to talk to in the crowd?”. I just love that question, and how it takes my mind of my own self-pity, and instead reminds me that I am in control of the situation. Thank you for the encouragement, and keep on being yourself!

  14. Learning to be proud of your not-necessarily-fitting-in is a good part of growing up and maturing, Bethany. You are finding your own path and you will. And, I think you are going to find more like minded people as your journey through life continues. You are not alone.

    1. Thank you for all the sweet support in your comment, Alana! One of the best things about blogging is finding like-minded individuals, and kindred spirits such as yourself. Thank you for all the kind words you have showered on me over the months. You are the best!

  15. Loved this post, Bethany! It got to the crux of the matter!
    I think part of it is being a Christian in a world that no longer supports those values. I’ve felt that loneliness. In the Middle East, there were so few of us that met for any kind of worship. People would give me blank looks when I showed my Christian ethics, like my thoughts were hopelessly
    dated and old-fashioned 😀
    Thank you or sharing this post!

    1. I am glad you gleaned something from this post, Amy! And you are absolutely correct.: a lot of the reasons I don’t “fit in” are tied to my Christian worldview. You lived in the Middle East for a time? You must have a plethora of fascinating stories to tell about that experience! Would love to hear about them sometime. Thanks for stopping by!

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