If He Forgot Valentine's Day {Or your Birthday or Mother's Day}

If He Forgot Valentine’s Day {or your Birthday…or Mother’s Day…}

26 Comments / Marriage / By

Last week as I scrolled through facebook one sentence jumped off the screen, and hit me in the face with the force of a semi truck. And since I absorbed those few words strung together I haven’t been able to get out of my mind. It was some relationship advice someone posted: a conglomeration of various platitudes, outdated sayings, and bits of wisdom. I scanned through most of it, but this one phrase burned into my brain: let him have a few faults.

I know this time of year can be tough on relationships. Valentine’s Day comes tied to an avalanche of expectations built upon a massive media and marketing industry. Sometimes I can build up my expectations so high that nothing and nobody can attain them nobody how hard they {or he} tries.

And, yes, sometimes that crazy wonderful man of yours might forget Valentine’s Day. Or your Birthday. Or Mother’s Day. Because life happens, and he really tried to remember, but he just didn’t.

Times like these a gal can choose to pull the fuzzy blanket of self-pity over her head, and make him pay for his mistakes. Or she can smile, extend her hand, and let it go. Let him have a few flaws.

You can spend your whole life perfecting your self-pity skills or your forgiveness skills: your choice. My choice. We can all choose to love on him instead of freeze him out.

If He Forgot Valentine's Day {Or Your Birthday...or Mother's Day...} // John Piper Quote

I refuse to unravel him by pulling on the string of his few flaws, and causing a full sweater of a man to become a twisted pile of yarn. I am not talking about the major struggle that a husband and wife must talk through, and wrestle with. I am talking about the few little weaknesses I know about him, and he knows about me. As the person most closest to him I know his weaknesses, and at times get in any argument with him. If those two things combine with a sharp tongue than my future marriage is doomed.

He is not Tom Hanks in a romantic comedy–he is the leading man in my every day life. He does not light up the empire state building with a heart for Valentine’s Day, he makes me dinner and dances with me in the kitchen. He is not defined by his strengths and weaknesses, he is defined by the One who shed his blood for him.

True love is not a dozen hothouse roses–true love is him faithfully coming to every performance of mine. True love is not an expensive box of chocolates–true love is him grabbing his ukulele so he can “jam” with me despite my rusty violin skills.True love is not him reciting the perfect love poetry–true love is him biting his tongue in the middle of an argument. True love will never be as clean and neat as a romantic comedy might have us believe, but it will always be deeper and more enduring than a 90 minute film.

Choosing to love anything means that your heart might possibly be broken. Choose to love anyway. Choose to love a beautifully unfinished man because some risks are worth taking. Especially when that risk is a sweet, kind-hearted man, crazy in love with you.

Linked up with Modest Mondays, Monday’s Musing, and Mama Moment’s Mondays {how’s that for an alliteration!}.

26 thoughts on “If He Forgot Valentine’s Day {or your Birthday…or Mother’s Day…}”

  3. Brandi Clevinger

    A few months ago I heard the message that it’s not fair to either party when a person has expectations. It’s not fair to the one they are placed on and they are not fair to the one placing them. Everyone gets disappointed at some point. Once I learned that, it’s much easier to love and be loved.

    thanks for sharing at Inspire Me Mondays!

    Reply
  11. Nathana Clay

    Great wisdom that will serve you well in marriage! 😉 I know Satan likes to focus me in on Mitch’s flaws so that I lurk in a pity-party rather than pursuing forgiveness. It is often in the small things too. Sometimes we are better equipped for the big things. Pursuing forgiveness over pity is so important! There is no perfect man outside of Christ…

    Reply
    1. Bethany Miller

      I think that must be a pretty common tactic of Satan’s–get us to focus on every little bothersome thing about the other person, and never focus on our own shortcomings. “There is no perfect man outside of Christ”–so very, very true.

      Reply
  12. Sara

    Wise words: Perfect your self-pity skills or your forgiveness skills – your choice

    It seems you really grasp what love really is. (Have you heard the song by JJ Heller “What Love Really Means”) One of my favs and I tear up each time.

    Reply
    1. Bethany Miller

      I LOVE JJ Heller, Sara! She is coming to Nebraska next month, and I am so excited to see her in performance. “What Love Really Means” was my favorite song in my Freshman year. I still love it, but I have new favorites now. Have you heard their two latest songs? I especially enjoyed the love song they posted around Valentine’s day. Perfection.

      Reply
  13. Alana

    I love the imagery of unraveling a full sweater of a man into a twisted tangle of yarn; that you don’t destroy and you don’t try to recreate another human into what you feel he or she should be. It is so refreshing to see someone enter marriage knowing it takes work and compromise. And, that you have realized the difference between true emotional needs and the high expectations marketers have set for the sole purpose of making money.

    Reply

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